fannytham

Fanny has stopped blogging – because she realized she has much more things to accomplish. Thank you for being with me throughout these 4 years.

Here’s to living with lots of Love, Music and Style.

Signing off,

Fanny Tham

When You Look Me In The Eyes

If the heart is always searching,

Can you ever find a home?

I've been looking for that someone,

I'll never make it on my own.

Dreams can't take the place of loving you,

There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright,

When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,

I catch a glimpse of heaven.

I find my paradise,

When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,

To be with you again

Gonna tell you that I love you,

In the best way that I can.

I can't take a day without you here,

You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright,

When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,

I catch a glimpse of heaven.

I find my paradise,

When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,

I can reach my tomorrow,

I can hold my head high,

And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright,

When you're right here by my side.

When I hold you in my arms

I know that it's forever

I just gotta let you know

I never wanna let you go

Cause when you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright,

When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,

I catch a glimpse of heaven.

I find my paradise,

When you look me in the eyes.

I am Yoga-ing again after a 6-month hijacked by my Weekly Clubbing. Now that I have decided to club less, Yoga-ing is back.

But frankly, I am lame. The main motivating factor is Ciara. Take a look at her in this music video. H.O.T. Did I say that she is hot? She is fanny-tastically HOT. Have I mentioned that she is hot? G.O.D. Her yoga-inspired moves make me want to move like her.

And to further prove that I am indeed a rock star, remember beginning of the year I said this will be a year with lots of Love, Style and Music? 4 months later, wham, Justin and Ciara released a duet Love, Sex and Magic. We are connected by the same 3 letters – L, S, M.

Look at me, the eternal rock star. Even Justin is following my lead.


And I don't need sexy yoga moves to do that.

User-generated content is the next wave in media. Construed entertainment is out. Realism is in.

I am a huge fan of user-generated content. It all started with my obsession with Post Secret and the subsequent rip-offs. They have real people writing their confessionary tales that are even more drama than a soap opera. This is the real life. And real life may not, does not and will not have happy endings.

Ivan told me of a website – Fuck My Life – http://www.fmylife.com . It’s a clever spin from the Post Secret franchise. Tongue-in-cheek entries – short, direct and painfully hilarious. When the going gets tough, go visit the website, and you will discover your life is not as fucked up as you think it is. As ironic as it is, Fuck My Life made me laugh.

Until today. I saw this particular entry and my heart stopped for a beat. This one sentence drips of grief, disappointment and a remorseful resignation to Fate. This is the power, and beauty, of language.

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend

asks you to marry him doesn't mean that

 he will show up at the wedding.

Fuck My Life.

Go visit the website. Welcome to the real world.

For the first time this year, I felt lonely.

It’s not PMS. (check your calendar! It’s not that time yet)

It’s not me being emo.

It’s just a purified state of loneliness.

Which, at this period, is an irony.

Well, I guess when you are surrounded by people who don’t understand you, people who don’t notice you, people who don’t want you as badly as you want them, the loneliness crept in.

At that moment, you tell yourself, I can lose the whole world if I can mean the world to just one.

But it won’t happen to me. At least not yet.

And so I walked.

I walked my way home after work.

I past by the junction, but I continued walking. My earphones were jammed in my ears. Streams of slow rock songs playing in my mind. The cool breeze was blowing in my hair. Sky is turning dark. Street lights were turning on like the stars appearing in the velvet sky. And I started crying.

It completely took me by surprise.

I don’t know why. I can’t explain why.

Maybe it’s the stress of a paid employee.

Maybe it’s the stress of being a woman.

Maybe it’s the stress of always having to try too hard.

I was in my purple short and tight tube dress, red jacket and black heels.

And I was crying.

People were naturally looking.

Perhaps thinking she must have had a bad day at work. Or it must be relationship problems. Or family issues. Or the financial crisis. Or maybe even H1N1.

Crap. No. I was crying because I need to see things clearer. Or rather, I hope.

As simple as that.

It was a good, lonesome walk. A much needed one on a dreary Tuesday, without a single drop of alcohol.

Well done Fanny.

My cousin posted an entry in his blog which reminds me of my school days.

Background info: My cousin (who is Superstar Rain-look-alike) works in retail at a fashionable and leading international brand in Orchard Road.

His entry:

 And one more thing.

I realised a LOT of people don't understand, 'Next Door' .....

Is it really so hard to understand?

'Pacific City is just next door....'

'It's at the same floor.... just next door...'

'Okay, I'll show u... *point* There, they are next door...'

OMG......

Seriously.

fannytham wrote:

It's not really relevant but your post reminds me of my school days when I was working at Citibank as a part-time investment promoter with my friend, Joy.

We have to station outside the Citibank branch and try to introduce the different investment plans to the people walking past.

Singaporeans who walked past you, even though knowing you were from Citibank, would ask stupid questions like, "Where is the toilet?", "How do I go to the Bus Interchange?", "What is the time now?" as if I was a f-ing Information Counter.

The funniest thing that ever happened was this: The bank closes at 3.30pm everyday but we only stopped work at 4pm. I remember there was a customer who came around 3.45pm, found the glass doors to the bank locked, turned and asked us, "Why is the door locked?" I replied, "Oh sir, the bank has closed."

I will never forget what the idiot replied.

He was in shocked and said, "Oh dear! The bank closed down?! OH MY GOD...."

God Bless Us All. Joy and I couldn’t stop laughing for months.

I almost died because of a piece of apple strudel yesterday.

But people around me nursed me back to health.

Thank you J

ANYWAY, was having fun with Vika last Friday at Timbre trying to mimic the famous Asian poses. Well, Asian girls DO know how to pose. We are born-posers. I’m not proud of it, but I sure had real damn fun. That was a great way to kickstart a busy weekend that was spent around drifters at the Formula Drift event.

I almost died on Saturday – but at least I can say, I lived on Friday.

    
The Punch-Face Pose


  
The Heart-Shaped Pose


  
The Teasing Pose


  
The Surprised Pose


  
The Pointing Pose


  
The Cat-Pose


  
The Blow-Kiss Pose


  
The Framing Pose


 

I know it's irrelevant - but let's treat this as a tribute to MJ -

Rest In Peace.

Long-live Oasis.

Don’t Go Away – Oasis

A Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say

About the things caught in my mind

As the day was dawning my plane flew away

With all the things caught in my mind

And I wanna be there when you're...

Coming down

And I wanna be there when you hit the ground

So don't go away say what you say

But say that you'll stay

Forever and a day...in the time of my life

Cos I need more time yes I need more time

Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play

With all the things caught in my mind

Damn my education I can't find the words to say

About all the things caught in my mind

Me and you what's going on?

All we seem to know is how to show

The feelings that are wrong

I’ve received so many comments after my last blog entry that did not pass my screen test. Basically, they surround the same thought – about girls kissing girls. Never mind if that particular entry was on the joys and curse of Spontaneity - put in the imagery of a girl on girl action and that will be the ONLY thing that guys will pick up. Yes, men, guys, or boys are that predictable sometimes. I was having lunch with a guy friend the other day and we were talking about that. I asked him if it’s true that all guys think it’s hot when girls make out with girls. He looked at me and said, “Hell-yes.” And then there was silence. He went back eating his bowl of laksa. I bet on all my heels that his head must be swarming with images of girl-on-girl acts. To bring him back to Earth, I did what I had to do. I said, “But isn’t it the same when you watch two hot guys making out with each other?” His head jolted up, eyes starred at me with intensity and mouth twisted in disgust – “Fanny, it’s not funny.”

But it is funny to me. My toes are laughing.

Anyway, I swear to God I really wanted to work on Sunday.

I wanted to go to office, clear the emails, the pile of work, my messy table and maybe even squeeze in an hour of SIMS 3 in the gaming station. But my mum gave me an ultimatum after 2 new Zara shopping bags surfaced in my room over the weekend.

Blame it on the Zara sale.

Anyway, I have to clear my entire closet or else she will start messing it up and ruin my pretty clothes. So, I took out everything, re-categorized them, dump away those I haven’t wore in a year and put them back nicely into their palace again.

And I was in awe.

I have found the secret to where half of what I earned in the past 6 years was.

Of course, the other half is in my shoe cabinet.

The funnier thing is, I’m not a T-shirt gal. But yet 30% of my clothing is T-shirts, 5% jeans and pants, 10% skirts, 10% fancy tops and the remaining 45% dresses. It’s amazing. I totally believe the 80-20 rule now.  I, for one, only wear 20% of my clothing 80% of the time.

Anyway, it felt damn good to clear away the clutter. Clothes that were no longer my style or ill-fitting found their way in one of the 4 big paper bags that will soon be given to my younger cousins. My closet looks so much neater and lighter after the fashion-liposuction. It is beautiful again. To top it off, I found 2 pretty River Island dresses which I bought some time ago but have not worn yet! What an achievement – I was walking on air for the rest of the evening.

But I spoke too soon. By the end of the night, I realize the irony – and the symbolism of my closet-cleaning activity. While I was clearing up my clutter, I am somebody else’s. I am the skeleton in the closet. I am a freaking off-season Diane von Furstenberg dress – over-size, shoulder-padded, multi-printed – kept in the depth of the closet - something which if you wear it in the public, will only bring you unnecessary attention and trouble.

And just like that, the air that I was walking on gave way to a cold, hard cement floor. Once again, I fell down on my knees and bruised my ego. I went to bed with a sore heart.

But the week will get better. At least I have 2 new dresses to wear this week.

And they are pretty damn hot.

p/s: One last remark. To save your dignity, do not watch Transformers with your boyfriend. The hot Megan Fox will be too distracting for him and you will be too distracted by his distraction to focus on the movie. I seriously can’t remember what it is about.

I’m not sure if this is a good thing. But I have been told umpteen times by people who truly know me that I don’t look like me.

You know how first impression works – you look at a person, hear his/her first sentence and immediately form an impression, coupled with a list of possible personality traits of him/her. Sometimes first impressions can be very accurate, other times, they waver off tangent. But in my case, most will agree there are parts of me which are way off the mark.

See, I am a Libran. I look balanced. But I have the both extremes in me. That’s why I need to lift the heavy balance to remind myself to keep my sanity in check. I remember one particular incident when I was out on a date with a CFO of a major global financial services provider from UK. At the end of the date, he looked at me, perplexed and amused, and said that I am not who I seemed to be and to quote him, he said, “UNUSUAL”.

Not special, not unique, not one-of-a-kind. But UNUSUAL.

Personally I will group UNUSUAL with abnormal, atypical, odd, queer and weird.

Not sure if it’s a good thing for him but it’s certainly not the best choice of words if he wants to date a girl.

ANYWAY, amongst a million other things that I truly am but do not look someone like that, the one thing that stands up must be my spontaneity – which I have to say, has been my gift, as well as my curse.

At any one time, I have a million ideas in my head. Give me a spark to generate the idea and I may turn that into action. Literally. Idea INTO Action. Bypassing the process which is called THOUGHT, CONSIDERATION and DELIBERATION. When such a moment arises, I sprang into action and, most often, do not think of the repercussions, much less the effect of my actions. Ok, chill – it’s not that I’ll do some wild, crazy stuff which will land me in jail or on the front page of Singapore’s highly subdued, conservative and controlled papers. Most of the times it’s small things. But because it’s small things, they did not get registered in my thought. I just do it. AND it’s precisely because of that, I failed to see the possible impact of the small things that I did until it is over and done with.

It can be as small as downing 4 pints of beer over lunch on a workday to kissing a girl in front of my friends (and gasp, my boyfriend). But in essence, it is who I am. Like what I’ve told him, I have a brain. I just don’t need to use it.

Until recently. In my quest to kickstart Fanny’s Transformation before my 21st birthday (ah-hem. Yes, I am still in denial. Don’t say my real age else I’ll kill myself and haunt you for the rest of my existence), I recounted what I have done in my last 2 years as a single woman. Frankly, I cannot remember much. A lot of things were done in spontaneity and such acts meant nothing. They contributed nothing to my existence except handing me a label of a Crazy Girl, Party Girl or worse, a Bimbo. My mum saw a cigarette butt outside my home a few months back and immediately assumed it’s me. She went on for about 30 minutes saying it’s bad enough that I drink, why do I have to smoke, even though I had done the most dramatic declaration of God-It’s-Not-Me-Mother-Please-Leave-Me-Alone (having said that, I do really love my mum. I am a middle-child, I have my complexities at times so shoot me).

My spontaneity proves to be costly. It’s almost as if I am a huge bloody-walking billboard for all the vices. Even though half of the time, I am a sweet, kind, gentle girl.

I have gotten into some pretty bad mess previously. The past 2 years have been quite a tumultuous ride. But I’ve since cleared it up, bit by bit. Give me some credit. Even my SIMS 3 family is now a regular happy family and not some scandalous household with family members going around the neighbourhood humping one another. I am a righteous God now.

You see, for once, I am trying not to be spontaneous anymore. I am walking through the past few years and thinking ahead where I will want to be in the next few. I have to say the new relationship sparked the change, but it is not the only reason. I believe its age. After all, being a 21-year old (again) means I have to take on full responsibility of my life. I’m not saying I will eliminate entirely who Fanny is. If being spontaneous is my thing (as well as being loud, saying the wrong things at the wrong time, a bimbo, etc), I will not deny its occasional appearance. I just have to make sure it falls within the whole grand plan of Fanny-Being-A-Responsible-Adult. So no more kissing girls. No more jumping in the pool fully clothed. No more drinking competitions. No more dancing on platforms and bartops. Crap. I shan’t go on. Because there should be No-More-Saying-More-Than-I-Should.

If my whole life is really just a 3-min music video, I better make damn sure only the best moments are captured.

FANNY 大改革

改革: to reform

Reform: Beneficial change, or sometimes, more specifically, reversion to a pure original state ; Reform may be no more than fine tuning, or at most redressing serious wrongs without altering the fundamentals of the system ; Reform seeks to improve the system as it stands, never to overthrow it wholesale